Messages From Anywhere: Funny Retirement sms

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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">    Retirement is the beginning of the time when
  you can sit back and give advice to others, even though you never followed it
  in your own life. Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">    Old
  age, fragile bones, doctor visits, medical checkups and a weak bladder – are
  you still looking forward to retirement? Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">    The
  funny thing about retirement is that it makes you realize the importance of
  medical insurance.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">    Do
  you think that life after retirement is an adventure? Well, it is if you
  count trekking out of bed, climbing atop sofas and diving into takeaways.
  Have fun.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">    After retirement the body grows older, the
  heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to
  handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">    Retirement is the only thing that will make
  you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can
  get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Remember all those things that you wanted to
  do in your life, but didn’t because you never had the time? Don’t plan on
  doing them after your retirement either – you will either be too old or too
  poor to afford them now. Wish you a happy retirement.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Congratulations on your retirement but don’t
  get too eager to relax yet. Get ready to tire yourself out with grandkids,
  gardening and many other chores.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">       Retirement is just a nice way for the
  company to tell you that they have found more energetic, talented, youthful
  and skilled staff than you. Happy retirement.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Thankfully, retirement is mandatory and not
  an option. Otherwise I would be stuck with an annoying colleague like you.
  xoxo<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     No
  matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional
  accreditations you have received, there is one more qualification you will
  still receive after your retirement – Master of Doing Nothing.
  Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     For someone as lazy as you, retirement will
  make no difference in your life except the fact that you can now do nothing,
  officially. Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Some people say that retirement signifies
  the end of all of life’s tension, but that’s true only if you have a grand
  pension.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Most people spend their whole lives planning
  their retirement but when they actually retire, they don’t know what to do.
  Don’t let this happen to you.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Congratulations for your retirement. Now you
  will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your
  time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement is like a lifelong vacation,
  except that you are no longer fit to do most of the fun stuff. Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     All your life you sacrificed your health so
  you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll
  be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">      Reaching retirement age is like getting to
  the top of a cliff. You will be at the zenith of your career, well knowing
  that the next step is a downward plunge toward old age. Good luck.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">       Retirement is like a never-ending weekend
  party except that you can’t drink, can’t hook up and can’t stay up all night
  even if you want to. So in short, it is boring. Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Until now, when you slacked at work your
  boss shouted at you. Now when you slack at household chores, your wife will
  shout at you. Happy retirement.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">      Doing the things you always wanted to do is
  not the real challenge of retirement. Remembering them is the real challenge.
  Good luck at being a forgetful pensioner.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement is just a nice way for your
  company to say that you are getting too old to work. Congratulations for
  stepping into this league, old timer.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">    Congratulations for gaining two new best
  friends upon your retirement. Their names are Bed and Couch. You will be
  hanging out with them a lot.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Was working hard all your life worth it? You
  are about to realize that now. Congratulations on retiring.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     All these years you argued with your
  colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you
  will argue with your grandkids, children and wife at home. Life remains the
  same.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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  <td style="background: #CDDDAC; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     It
  doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not, because
  people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #E6EED5; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">       Health, family, friends and relationships
  are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could
  work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these
  things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #CDDDAC; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">      Retirement is the turning point in your life
  which makes you realize that you had your priorities messed up all this
  while. Congratulations, better late than never.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #E6EED5; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">      Consider yourself officially and truly
  retired on the day you don’t feel like changing your underwear. Good luck.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #CDDDAC; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement marks the transition from working
  under one boss to a new one called WIFE. Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #E6EED5; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement – the only real excuse you’ll
  ever have to spend your entire life’s savings. Have fun.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #CDDDAC; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement is said to be the slow and
  painful lead up to the sunset years of your life. Have fun old timer.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #E6EED5; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement is a fence – on one side lies
  hard work and on the other lies boredom. Either ways, it’s no fun.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #CDDDAC; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement is like a bubble that burst just
  when you think you are at the zenith of your career. Good luck buddy.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #E6EED5; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement
  is the company way of indirectly telling you that it has no more use of an
  old and lazy bum like you. Goodbye.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #CDDDAC; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     Retirement is life’s way of telling you that
  you are too old and too weak to work any longer. Congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #E6EED5; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">      Being retired is the only time in your life
  when you won’t mind if you don’t get a holiday. Have fun.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #CDDDAC; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">      Every day of your retired life will feel
  like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you
  feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #E6EED5; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">     You always cursed your body when you were
  ill which made you miss an important deadline at work. Retirement is when you
  will finally curse yourself for using an important deadline at work as an
  excuse for not taking care of your body all these years.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
<tr>
  <td style="background: #CDDDAC; border-top: none; border: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent3; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #B3CC82 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent3; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="font-size: 20.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">       Congratulations on retiring. Have fun
  watching your life’s savings dwindle out.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
</td>
 </tr>
</tbody></table>

Funny Retirement Wishes

Retirement is the beginning of the time when you can sit back and give advice to others, even though you never followed it in...

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