12 December 2015

Flirty Messages-SMS

12/12/2015 05:01:00 PM  , ,  No comments

I want to b your favorite hello,
And the most difficult good bye.
Aaj kl k lrrko ka hosla dekho,
Parros wali pinky set nhi hoti,
Or facebook pe USA ki lrrkiyon ko friend request bhej dety hn.
I am not flirting m being just extra nice,
To someone who is extra attractive.
Some one asked me hows life,
I smiled n answered.
She is fine 
How to identify that who is a flirt n who is a lover.
The one who ll be a flirt, Will talk only about love.
The one who loves you, Will talk about everything except love.
I hate how chocolate immediately melts on my fingers,
Oh does it mean. I m HOT.
Sardiyon Ke Sham Thi… Main nay Uskay Hath Pay Hath Rakha tau wo Garam Tha Mainay Kaha Garam Hath Wafa Ke Nishani Hoti Hai Us nay Hans Ker Kaha
Kanjra Manu Bukhar Hy
Tajmahal ke Emarat Hr Ashiq ko, Mohabbat ke Misaal Nazr Ati Hai. Ma kis kis kay liaye Tajmahal Banwaon
Mujhe tau Hr Larki Mumtaz Nazar Ati Hai
Larka: I Love you Larki : I dont love u Larka: r u sure. Larki : yeah!
Larka: waiter bring bill 4 me alone. Larki : A A I luv u to Jano
Kali Girlfrnd Ko Gori Karnay Kay 7 Tarikay 1
Mujhay Pata tha Tum Zaror Parho Gay Kali Girl Frnd Wale. -:P -:P :v
Beth Ker Tanha Ye Sochta Hoon
WasSI
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.
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.
.
.
.
Khatm Ho Gai Zindgi Per Bachi Koe Na Phassi =P ;->’
Jab tum log Girlz ko
I Luv you
kehtay ho tau un ka haath kiyon pakar letay ho?
Boy:
.
.
(‘.’) kiday chand e
<))\ na kad,,,,,,,,, /’\ Maaray.,,,,,,,’
A mobile is like a women – Talks nun-stop, costs a fortune, disturbs when you are bz & when you need them urgently and they have no service.
What iz the height of the Fliting?
When ur love letter starts with
“2 WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCRN”.
A Boy Waz Going With Hiz Girl Frnd
Frnd Asked : Who Iz She?
Boy : My Couzin.
The Frnd Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin.! :
if somone calls you crazy,do not mind,
if somone calls you duffer,relax,
if somone calls you stupid be cool,
but if sumone calls you “cute”
.
.
.
.
lagana thappar os pagal kay munh pay,
mazak ke b koi hud hoti hy
Love bears all d thngs,
Love believes all d thngs,
Love hopes all d thngs,
& most precious of all,
Love endures all d thngs.
Come we love & make things happy.
Never ever reject any girl in ur life..!
Bcoz,
A good girl gives u happiness.
&
Bad girl gives u experience!
A girl 2 doctor: when I smoke the cigarette,
I feel very uncomfortable,
On the first puff, I put off my shoes.
On the second, my socks.
On third, my shirt.
Doctor: take this cigarette & tell me in the detail.
Flirting is the only job in the whole world,
that the boys never include in their CV.
Despite having years of their experiences
& number of references…. 
you luk sweet when
you read my message.
you luk sweeter when
you read my message and smile.
you luk sweetest when
you read my message, smile and reply.
So, try 2 look sweetest.
Degrees of the girls;
B.A = Beautiful Angel
B.E = Beautiful Eyes
B.Sc = Beautiful Structure
L.L.B = Lovely Lips & Body
M.B.A = Married But also Available
Best way 2 purpose a girl.
Take her 2 sea,
Say her 2 sit in the boat.
Then take the boat in the middle of the sea.
Then say Marry Me
or
Leave My Boat.
Boy: I’ll climb the tallest mount.
Swim the deepest ocean.
Walk on the hot coal barefoot.
Just 4 u.
Girl: So sweet!
Can u come 2 meet me?
Boy: Not now, Mom will not Allow.
Boy: I am not rich like rohit,
I do not even have a bid car like rohit.
But I really luv u!
Girl: I luv u too,
But
tell me more about the rohit…
2 Lovers plan 2 suicide.
Boy jumped 1st,
Girl closed her eyes and
returned back saying:
Love is blind.
Boy in air opened his
parachute saying:
The Love never dies.
I Love you
I Love yoU
I Love yoU
I Love yoU
I Love yoU
I Love yoU
I Love yoU
Don’t be so confused, I love other alphabets too:p
What is the height of the Flirting?
When ur love letter starts with
“2 WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN”.
The Boy Was Going With His Girl Friend
Friend Asked : Who Is She???
Boy : My Cousin.
The Friend Said: Last month She Was My Cousin.! 
if sumone calls you crazy,dont mind,
if sumone calls you duffer,relax,
if sumone calls you stupid be cool,
but if sumone calls you “cute”
.
.
.
.
lagana thappar us pagal keh monh pe,
mazak ki bhi koi hud hoti hai
Love bears all the things,
Love believes all the things,
Love hopes all the things,
& most precious of all,
Love endures all the things.
Come we love & make things happy.
Us kay husan mein rangon ki tarteeb tau dekh
safaid jhoot hain zaalim ki surkh honton pay..!
Na janay kon c Dolat Hy Tere Lehjay Mein
Baat Kartay Ho Tau Dil Khareed Letya Ho
Jab say tunay mujhay Dewwna Bana Rakha hai
Sang Her Shaks na Hatho mein utha Rakha hai
Aankhen, ZulFein, Chehra,
or Surkh Laal Gulabi Honth
Haayeee, Dil Haar Gaye Ham,
Usk0 Be Naqab Dekh Kr
Toot na jay Tujh par Meray Pyaar ki Shiddat
To Samandar ki Tarah Khamosh na raha kar
How 2 identify who is flirting
with u & who loves u????
.
.
The 1 who is flirting talks ONLY about the love
.
.
& the 1 who really loves u
talks about everything EXCEPT the love.
To hy meri CANDY
To Hy Mera CRUSH
Teray DP Dekh ker I Always BLUSH.
Wo roz dekhta hy dobtay hoay soraj ko Wasi
Kaash main b kisi shaam ka manzar hota
I hate how the chocolates
immediately melt on the fingers
I mean, I am HOT!!!! 
Ham ho gaye tumharay tumhay sochnay k baad,
Ab na daikhen gay kisi ko tumhay daikhne k baad,
Dunya chor dain gai tumhai chornay k baad,
KHUDA! Maaf kare itne jhut bolnay k baad
My heart problem has
reached to a critical stage.
That doctor says:
There are only two options lef
ICU
Or
U C Mee.
I love PAKISTAN
P=  parveen
A=  ayesha
K=  kiran
I=  iqra
S=  sehar
T=  tooba
A=  aalia
N=  nadia
PAKISTAN meri jaan sab se pehle pakistan
i love PAKISTAN
2 hai mere CANDY
2 Hai Mera CRUSH
Tere Dp Dekh kr I Always BLUSH.
I hate how the chocolates
immediately melt on the fingers
I mean, am i that HOT?? :P
Do  you know what is A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl…….
I want you…
2 be with me In a nice Restaurant
2 have candle light dinner…. &
2 say those sweet three words 2 YOU….
“Pay The Bill”
Aftr the engagement!
Girl:
Now stop looking at girls,u are committed now!
Boy:
Ohoo what do you mean,
if i m on diet,
that doesnt mean that i cant look at MENU . . 
Flirting Is Like A Game Of Chess
1 Wrong Move & u r
.
.
.
.
Married 
A smile 2 put u on high…
A kiss 2 set ur soul alright…
Would it be alright if
I spent tonight being loved by you??????????
I heard that the  good looks can kill…
.
.
.
.
So, please don’t look at myself
.
.
.
.
I don’t wanna see u die.!!!
When your ex tries…
.
to get back with you…
.
they’re just trying to…
.
stop you from upgrading… :p
Funny ways to propose her/him …
.
.
.
.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?  
Funny ways to propose her/him …
.
.
.
.
Do you have a map?
.
.
.
I just got lost in your eyes.   
Boys Strategy 2015 ..
Dosti kro JAZZ wali sey.
Pyar kro TELENOR wali sey.
Date maro WARID wali sey.
Ankh larao ZONG wali sey.
Gift lo UFONE wali sey
Or
SHADI karo BAGHAIR MOBILE wali sey…!!
Aaj Kal girls Key dresses,
Yahan Sey Less
Wahan Sey Less
Kabi Sleveless
Tou
Kabi Backless
Or Koi Larka GhoUr K Dkhey Tou,
“Oh My God !
How much Mannerless he is” :p 
boys rocked, girls shocked 
Barbad apney ishq mey wo kar k mujey boley…
Tum wo nahi ho jis ke humain talaash tee barson sey…!!
Ab bhee baaki hai terey dil mein thora sa khaloos..
Iss sey pehley bhi humain yehi dhokaa huwa..  
Har morr pey milta hai hamdard neya..
Merey sheher mey hain fankaar bohat..!!
Achey hotey hain burey log..
Achey honey ka dikhawa nahi kartey….!!
Hamain khabar thee dushman key saarey thikaanon ki..
Shareek-e-jurm na hote to mukhbrii kartey….!!
Suna hey kafi parh likh gayee ho tum..
.
.
.
.
.
Kabi wo bhe tuo parho jo ham keh nahin patey..!! 
Reality of why people say they love PAK  
P= parveen
A= asma
K= kiran
I= iqra
S= seher
T= tuba
A= aalia
N= nida
PAKISTAN meri jan sab sey pehley pakistan
i lOVE PAKISTAN  
A mobile is like women ???
>Talks non-stop,
>costs a fortune,
>disturbs when u r busy
& when u need dem urgently they have no service!
alphabets are very intelligently arranged 
A: U r Attractive
B: U r D Best
C: U r Cute
D: U r Dear 2 me
E: U r Excellent
F: U r Funny
G: U r Gud Looking
H:He He He He
I: I m
J: Just
K: Kidding   lolx
My heart problem has..
reached a critical stage.
That doctor says:
There are only two options left?
ICU
Or
UCM ..
UCM= YOU SEE ME   
Girls R Just Like Computer Rams They
Remember Every Thing Until
U Keep Them Charged With
Ur Sweetness Once
The Connection Interrupted
Their Memory Will B Refreshed
Nd
The Process Starts Again.
Ajj Kal Ki Larkiyaa Kaghaz Kah
Phool Hai Muhabbat Toh
Kaarti Hai Lekin Bewafa Zaroor Hai.
Wah
Wah
Wah
Wah
Log Ghazal Likhte Hain Dusron Ka Maal Dekh Kar
Aor Hm Dard Bhare Gaane Likhtay
Hain Apna Haal Dekh Kar.
Rangeen Ho Tm Rangon Say Bhi Ziyada
Smart Ho Tm Sub Doston May Ziayda
Agar Aisa Tm Sochtay Ho Toh
Stupid Ho Tm Had Se Ziada.
Pehlay Baahon Me Lenaa
Phr Seeny Say Lagana
Phr Methi Methi Baty Krna
Phr Khoob Kiss Krna
Phr Bister Pr Litana
Kita Mushkil Hay
Bacchon Ko Sulana
Mein Dil Mein Soch Raha Thaa Kay Aap Koh Kiya Kahun?
Bewafa
Khud Garz
Kanjos
Bewakoof
Yaa
Phir
Pagal?
Achanaak
Zong Waalon Ki Awaz Aai
“Sub Keh 2u” Bewafaa.
Dil Kah Ashiyan Hm Nahi Sajate
Bago Mein Phool Hm Nahin Khilatay
Hmari 1 Pasand Se Toot Jayenge 1000 Dil
Is Liye Hm Girlfriend Nahien Banatay.
Dhadkano Koh Sunkaar Bhi
Tmhay Pyaar Ki Khabar Nahi Huti
Kya Mahsoos Karoge Tm Dil Ka Dard
Dil Tutne Ki To Awaz Bhi Nahi Hoti.
Usko Paa Kar Kibhi Tu Khona Tha
Yeah Hadsa Kabhi Tu Hona Tha
Woh Tor Kar Aksar Mujhe Chorti Rahi
Jese Men Uss Kay Haat Kah Kio Khilona Tha.
Be Carful
When
A Gal Tells U That
She Loves U
From The Bottom Of Her Heart
For This May Meanz
That There Iss
Still Enough Space
For Another Boy
Onn Top.
My Heart Problem Has
Reached A Critical Stage
That Doctor Says:
There R Only 2 Options Left
I.C.U
Or
U C Me.
A Boy Was Going With His
Girl Friend
Friend Asked : Who Is She?
Boy : My Cousin.
The Frend Said: Last Year
She Was My Cousin.
What Is The Height Of Flirting?
When Your Love Letter Starts With
“2 Whom soo ever It May Concern”.
Faith Makes All Things Possiblee
Love Makes All Things Eassy
Hopes Makes All Things Work
But Ur Gorgeouus Smile
Brings All Faith
Luv & Hope In Me.
The Leaves May F0rget The Tree
The Waves May F0rget The Sea
The Fl0wers May F0rget The Bee
0r Even U May F0rget Me
But I Will Never Ever F0rget U Because U
ARE Very Special T0 Me.
I Wr0te Ur Name 0n The Sand Nd It G0t Washed Away
I Wr0te Ur Name In The Air Nd It G0t Bl0wn Away
I Wr0te Ur Name 0n My Heart Nd
I G0t A Heart Attack.
T0day T0mm0r0w Nd F0rever
There Will Be
0ne Heart That Beats F0r U
U Kn0w Wh0es Ur 0wn
Stupid.
At This M0ment 3 7 Milli0n Are Sleeping
2 3 Milli0n Are Falling In L0ve
4 1 Milli0n Are Eating Nd 0nly 1
Cutie Is Reading This Txt.
An Imp0rtant Element 0f
Friendship Is C0mmunicati0n
Nd That’s The Reas0n
Why My Fingers
Are Still Pressing The Keys
0n My Ph0ne
Because I D0n T Want
T0 Cut The Line
That C0nnects US Take Care Always.
I Have Had A Really Bad Day Nd
It Always Makes Me Feel Better
T0 See A Pretty Girl Smile
S0 W0uld U Smile F0r Me.
Hm Chahain Aap K0h
Ap Chahain Kisi 00r K0h
Ap Jisay Chahain Khudha Karay
W0h Chahain Kisi 00r K0h.
Mere Dil Jigar Kidney Liver H0 Tm
waqt-bewaqt aaye v0h Fever H0 Tm
D0b ker jisme mar ja0 v0h River h0 tm
Mere jeevan main ab t0 f0rever h0 tm.
Dunya mein serf teeen 3 tarah kay l0g hi
khush naseb h0tay hein
aik W0 jinhay sacha piyar milta hay
d00 w0 jinhay acha Yar milta hay
teeen W0 jinhay mera sms bar bar milta hay
0nly 4 Y0.
Why D0 U Think I SMS U
Why D0 U Think I SMS U
Is It Because I Care 0r I Miss U
0r I L0ve U 0r I Need U N0 It’s Bec0z
I Need A Pers0n F0r Just Time Pass.
I want u
T0 be with me In a nice
Resturent
T0 have candle light dinner
&
t0 say th0se sweet tharee
w0rds t0 U
Pay The Bill.
L0ve is an illusi0n!
Its a highly dependency
dis0rder
0f weak hearted pe0ple.
.
.
.
.
Pe0ple with str0ng hearts
believe in FLIRTING.
Hey u Kn0w
Which is the best day t0
pr0p0se a girl
April 1
yes april 1
u Kn0w Why?
If she accept its ur luck
0therwise just tell April
F00000ll.
mil gayi
0ay mil gayi
mil gayi
0ay 0ay
mil gayi
mil gayi
0ay mil gayi
April mein mera SMS padny
wali ik 0r bewaq0f mil gayi
HELL0 F00L.
After engagement
Girl:
N0w st0p l00king at girls,
u r c0mmited n0w!
B0y:
0h0 what d0 u mean
if i m 0n diet
that d0esnt mean that i cant
l00k at MENU .
Hum ho gaye tumhare tumhe sochne k bad,
Ab na daikhen gay kisi ko tumhe daikhne k bad,
Dunya chor dain gai tumhai chorne k bad,
KHUDA! Maaf kare itne jhut bolne k bad.
Be careful
when
a gal tells u that
she loves u,
from the bottom of her heart,
For this may mean
that there is,
still enough space
for another boy
on top.
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
teri girl friend gaye bazar,
us ko mil gaya MAJNO ka pyar,
ab tu beth ker makhiyan maaar.
Life without u is impossible,
u r in my breath and blood,
i cant stay for a second without u,
if u r not there i am dead,
oye hello i am talking about OXYGEN.
If ever in your life U R very sad & lonely,
& feel that U have lost every thing,
I will come, Hold your hand,
take U 4 Walk on a Bridge & Show, U where 2 jump From.
No matter how high the sky is,
How deep the ocean is,
How strong the wind is,
How wide the river is,
I just want to tell YOU,
They’re none of YOUR BUSINESS.
There are 3 chambers in my heart,
1 for ALLAH,
1 for ABBU,
1 for AMMI,
Oh wat about u dear?
Sorry no place 4 u in my heart,
bcoz
You Are MY HEART.
Ur the 1st thing that comes 2 my mind,
I wish I could start my day, with U in my bed,
I just luv Ur feel to my lips, U just make my day,
I love U NESCAFE.
It must have been a rainy day, when you were born,
Heaven was crying, cus it lost its most beautiful angel.
He took me from a bar,
He took me in his car,
He took my top off,
He puts his lips on mine,
but dont worry,
I m a bottle of wine.
Aati hai teri yaad der tak aati hai,
Jab tu aas paas se guzar jati hai,
Main toh nahta hoon roz,
Kyun tu kabhi kabhi nahati hai.
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems,
subtraction of money,
Multiplication of enemies,
&
Division of friends.
Nazre na hoti to nazaara na hota,
duniya main hasino ka guzara na hota,
hamse yeh mat kaho ke dil lagana chhod de,
jaake khuda se kaho ke,
hasino ko banaana chhod de.
If loving you is wrong,
then I don’t wanna be right,
My love for you is strong, and brighter than any light,
The way we must go is long,but we’ll win every fight.
I want to touch you all over again n again,
.
.
.
.
.
.
through my heart and feeling.
Smart Answers
Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Student: No, I’m John Smith,
Husband: We are having mother for dinner tonight.
Wife: Make sure she is well cooked,
Father: Shameful results! Do you always get such low marks?
Son: No, only when I take exams,
Guest: Will these stairs take me to da 2nd floor?
Boy: No, you’ll have to walk as welL,
Girl: I have changed my mind,
Boy: Thank God! Does new one works better?
Why do girls look beautiful?
is it real or due to make up?
all false
Girls look beautiful because
.
.
.
.
boys have good IMAGINATION.
Raat ko karo gey to SuSt raho geY,
Din ko karo gey to ChuSt Raho gey,
Kartey raho gey to TanDrusT Raho gey,
EK SMS YAAR.
Advise of a dentist,
Treat your girlfriend,
like a tooth brush,
Don’t let anybody else use it,
&
Changed it every 3 months.
Cheap attitude of girls,
When a boy sends dirty sms,
She laughs for 10 minutes,
Forward that sms to her friends,
Then replies the boY,
I don’t like these kind of sms ok.
Arguing with girls, wife or ladies is like,
wrestling with a Pig in mud,
After sometime you realise that you are getting dirty,
& the pig is enjoying.
DIL KA ASHIYAN HUM NAHI SAJATE,
BAGO ME PHOOL HUM NAHIN KHILATE,
HUMARI 1 PASAND SE TOOT JAYENGE 1000 DIL,
IS LIYE HUM GIRLFRIEND NAHIN BANATE.
By expecting a negative answer,
Girlfriend ask ,Have u ever cheated, lie, broken promise?,
To satisfy his girl,
the boy reply a negative answer:
Nothing of these, I haven’t done.
AM I CUTE? TEST,
call if i m cute,
miss call if i m gorgeous,
Text back if i m pretty,
Text a joke if i m charming,
Just ignore if u r jealous.
Meri zindagi k 2 asool hain,
Pehla:mei kisi ajnabi larki ko lift nahi karvata,
AUR dosra:Mei kisi larki ko ajnabi nahi samajhta.
Any Man Who Can Drive Safely,
While Kissing A Girl,
Is
Simply Not Giving The KISS The Attention,
It Deserves.
Kehtay hain aurat k hath, mein barkat hoti hai,
Bilkul sahi hai, Q k agar us k hath mein 2 inch ki cheez pakra dein, to
6 inch ki kar deti hai,
Jaisay,
.
.
.
.
.
“Chapaati”
Think positive yar
Love is a bird:
u hold it tightly,
it dies.
hold it lightly,
it flies.
hold it nicely,
it shits in ur hands..
moral:
FORGET LOVE,,
just flirt.
Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently?
Mind u – it’s really very very urgent,
damn serious and very imp,
I’m playing cards and we’ve misplaced the JOKER
Girl ask to molvi: can i kiss another man?
molvi: astagfirullah,
Girl: can i kiss a married man?
molvi: nauzubillah,
Girl: can i kiss u?
molvi: bismillaha.
NA BOTTEL MAIN NA JAR MAIN,
NA HOTEL MAIN NA BAR MAIN,
NA BIKE PAY NA CAR MAIN,
HUM TO BUS DIN GUZARTAIN,
HAIN AAP KAY MILNEY KAY,
INTEZAR MAIN.
Heart beat are countless, spirits are ageless, dreams r endless, memories are timeless, and a friend like u is Useless, Oops Sorry Yaar, Priceless.
2 Lovers plan to suicide, Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind, Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.
LIFE is 4 living, i live mine 4 U LOVE is 4 giving, i give mine 2 U DREAMS are 4 dreaming, mine are 4 U HEARTS are 4 beating, & mine beats 4 U.
May you rise each texting day, with fully charged cell phone in your hand, inspiring message in your mind, me in your heart, and a clear signal all day long.
May ur heart b happy & ur days b bright,
May ur roads b smooth & ur burdens light,
May u find dreams & touch a star & never forget how.
I know you think I”m cute, I know you think I”m fine, but like the other guys, take a number and wait in line.
I wanted to put something incredibly beautiful, sweet, nice, sensitive, erotic and funny on your mobile screen, but unfortunately I do not fit on it.
Today, tommorow and yesterday there will be,
one heart that would always beat for you,
You know Whose your Own Stupid.
Bari Gustakhiyan karne
Laga Hai Mera Dil Mujh
Sy,
Yay Jab Sy Tera Hua Hai
Meri Sunta Hi Nahi.
Hands Up I’m Lover
Officer,
U R Under Arrest,
Q K Jitne Pyare Ap
Ho,
Itna Pyara Hona
Qanoonan Jurm Hai,
Es Leay Ap Ko DIL,
Mein Umar Qaid Ki
Saza De Jati Hai.
.
.
.
Pata Nahi Ayse Msg
Log Mujhe Hi Keyu
Send Krtein Hain
Aisi Keya Bat Hai
Mujh Mein
(,”) Oh My God
(‘;’)
<)(>
_||_
Zarori Nahi K Har
SMS Mein Koi Message
Ho,
BUS,
AAP Yaad Aa Rahy Thy,
Es Liye Aap Ko Line
Maar Di.
Tuje Yaad Krne Se, Dil Khush Ho Jata Hai,
Kr Rha Hu Sms Tu B Kr Le, Isme Tera Kya Jata Hain.
Namo-namo patni maharani, tumhri mahima koi na jani,
Hamne samjha tum abala ho, par tum toh sabse badi bala ho,
Jis din haath mein belan aawe, uss din patni khoob chillave,
Sare bed pe patni sove, pati baith farsh par rove,
Tumse hi ghar mathura kashi, aur tumshe ghar satyanashi,
Patni chalisha jo nar gave, sab such chhod param dukh paave.
Laloo  Rabri tum meri CHAND ho,
Rabri  Na ji hamko CHAND-VAND mat kahiye,
Yeh sasura America wale roz chand par chadhte hai.
Ek American nai ek Swami se bola,
Hamare yaha shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.
Is par Swami bola kamal hai,
Hamare yaha to sirf female se hoti hai.
Gabbar: Aare o sambha yeh sms padhnewala insaan hai ki bandar?
Samba: Sarkar agar reply kare toh insaan nahi toh bandar.
Q Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense.
Eik sardar bathroom main betha tha,
Samnay likha tha k pani ka zyada say zayda,
istimaal karain wo bethay bethay 3,
lotay pani pee gya.
Neend aati hai to khaab aata hai,
khaab mein ek ladki aati hai,
ladki ke piche uska baap aata hai,
phir na neend aati hai na khaab aata hai.
Kuch saalo baad najane kya sama hoga,
Najane kaun dost kaha hoga,
Phir milna hua toh milenge yaadon mein,
Jaise sukhe gulab milte hai kitabon mein.
Kitabon Me Likha Hai Phool Todna Mana Hai,
Baagon Me Likha Hai Phool Todna Mana Hai,
Lekin Phoolon Se Keemti Hai Dil,
Koi Nahi Kehta Ki Dil Todna Mana Hai.
Phone Ke Rishte Bhi Bade Ajeeb Hote Hain,
Balance Rakhkar Bhi Log Ajeeb Hote Hain,
Khud To Msg Karte Nahi Hain,
Muft Ke Msg Padhne Ke Kitne Shoqin Hoti Hai.
Beta papa meri teacher kitni pyari hai,
na Baap beta teacher MAA KE BARABAR HOTI HAI,
Beta ap to hamesha apni he setting mein lage rehte ho.
Narak me bahut sare log Maza kar,
rahe the GOD Ye log naark me bhi aish,
kar rahe hain Yamraj ye wale hain,
Nalayak Kahin bhi Set ho jaate h.
Mallika Sherawat goes to the L.I.C officer to insure her body,
the L.I.C officer refused,
sorry madam we dont cover public property.
Ek pagal or aadmi  funny jokes,
Ek pagal ulta nanga soya tha,
ek admi ne uske piche tabla bajaya,
ulta soya huya pagal sidha huya aur bola,
le ab bansuri baaja.
Ek aurat coma main chali gai,
.
Pati murda samjh kr jalane chala,
.
.
Raste main arthi khambe se takrane se aurat ko hosh aa gaya,
.
1 saal bad aurat sach main mar,
gai,
.
.
Sab log RAM RAM SATYA hai bolte ja rahe the,
.
.
Lekin,
.
.
.
Pati ki zuban pe ek hi baat thi “KHAMBA BACHA ke.
A Girl Checks Her Weight  58kg,
Removes Sandal  56,
Then Dupatta  52,
Now Coins Finished,
.
.
.
.
A Boy In A Q Behind Her,
Said,
U Carry On,
I Have Coins.
Romance Mathematics,
Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance,
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair,
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage,
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy.
If u r stressed, you’ll get pimples,
if u cry,u’ll get wrinkles,
So, y don’t u smile & get dimples.
Duniya me 5 muskil kaam,
1.Hathi ko dhaka lagana,
2.Machar ki malish krna,
3.Chitti ko kiss krna,
4.Ziraf ki gardn dabana,
5.or ap logo se SMS ki umeed krna.
Boy: tu dharti pe chahe jaha v rahegi tujhe tere khusbu se pehchan lunga.
Girl: kasam se mere ko pehle se hi malum tha sala tu 1 no ka “Kutta” hai.
zindagi me hamesa 1 bat yad rakho,
kvi kisi k dil se mat khelo kyuki DIL 1 hi hota hai,
agar khelna hai to Kidney se khelo wo 2 hoti hai.
Saanp k mdari ko lose-motion lag gaye,
.
.
.
Doctor sy dawai lety howay bola:
Doctor Shahab parhyz ki karna ay?
.
.
Doctor:
bas Been zoor di na wajain.
Apka Mobile kis k pas tha?
Main ne subah Call ki to kisi larrki ne receive kya,
Main kuch bolne hi wala tha magar,
uski awaz sun kar main chup hi raha,
Aur woh barre Pyar se boli,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Is Call k leay ap k account ki raqam naa kafi hy.
Science Teacher: Bachcho zinda rahne ke liye kya zaruri hai?
Student: itna bhi nahi pata mam?
Zinda rehne ke liye teri qasam.
ek mulaqat zaruri hai sanam.
True feelings of boys:
Jab ek ladki tumhe apna best friend banakar.
.
.
Aapke kandhe par sir rakh kar roti
hai na.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Toh ghanta samajh nahi aata ke kya sahi hai aur kya galat.
Bhakt: Baba I have a child yearly.
Nirmal baba: Condom lagate ho?
Bhakt: Ji.
Nirmal baba:Mohalle me bhi baant,
do kripa wahi se aa rahi hai.
After breakup:
.
.
Girl:”Kamine maine jo wallet, watch, de ­ o,tshrt,
jeans, belts, shoes diye the sab wapas kar,
.
.
.
Boy:”Tu petrol wapis kar,
.
.
.
.
Girl:”kya me apne janu se mazak bhi nahi kar shakti.
5’6jiski height ho,
.
.
jeans jiski tight ho,
.
.
chehra jiska bright ho,
.
.
weight mein thodi light ho,
.
.
Umar mein difference slight ho,
.
.
thodi quiet ho,
sadak pe sab kahe kya cute ho,
bhid mein sab kahe side ho,
sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho,
padosi baat kare to haath mein knife ho,
dinner candle light ho,
he prabhu teri bhakti uski lifeho,
yeh poem padke sab kahe,
THARKI GURU TUM HI RIGHT HO.
K0i Larki Hmain Thukra Dy To Ghum Nhi,
.
.
Wah Wah,
.
Koi Larki Hmain Thukra Dy To Ghum Nhi,
.
.
D0ob Maray Wo Kamini Jiski Kismat Me Hum Nahi,
Wah Wah Wah Taaliaaaan.
Count The Girls Names In This Allama Iqbal’s Poem,
Wohi Guftugu Ka Andaz,
Wohi Shaista Lehja,
Neelam Jam Hy Feroza Deedar Lehja,
Zban Main Tarannum E Nighat Ghazali,
Naghma Dil Awaz Seema Lehja,
Shireen Kalaam Py Shama Mahjabeen,
Tabassum Sy Roshan Aara Jamal Lehja,
Naseem Chali To Phail Gye Khushbu Char Soo,
Our Gul E Rukh Sy Nuzhat Mahak Lehja,
Pyar Ki Tehreem Ko Saher Tk Andaz Likha,
Or Farheen K Chaman Sa Ujala Lehja,
Moral,
Allama Iqbal B Km Nhi Thy.
A BOY Was Sitting In A Park, Behind A Tree With His Girl Friend,
An Old Man:
Beta! Kia Ye Hamari Tehzeeb Hai?
Boy:
Nahi Uncle, Ye Defence Wali Nosheen Hai.
If i need Brain Transplantation I will prefer your brain,
don’t think that you are a genius,
i need a brain which is never used before.
Father: How did you fail the final exam?
Son: Under water,
Aather: What do you mean?
Son :All below ‘C’ level.
Banta owned a factory,
He issued orders that only married,
men would be employed,
Friend asks: Why this ?
Bant reply:
Because married men are more obedient.
Dream makes everything possible,
Hope makes everything work,
Luv makes everything beautiful,
Smile makes all the above,
So always Brush ur Teeth.
Aik pathan ne Veena Malik se, masjid ka chanda manga,
Veena : ap log to kehte hen k mera paisa naapak hai,
Pathan : tumhary paison se hum BATHROOM banaey gy.
By expecting a negative answer,
Girlfriend ask Have u ever cheated, lie, broken promise?
To satisfy his girl,
the boy reply a negative answer,
Nothing of these.
Whenever u feel sadness in your HEART,
blackness in your EYES,
paleness on your FACE,
fragrance in your it shows u, are suffering lack of vitamin ME.
DEFINITION OF HONEYMOON,
A man’s last holiday,
before he starts working,
for a new boss.
I Went For A Psychologist And,
He Said That I Was Crazy,
I Asked For A Second Opinion And He Answered,
Well, You’re Ugly Too.
If You Take The Hand Of A Woman,
Before Wedding It Is Called Love,
After Marriage It Is Called Self-Defense.
College ki galyon main ajeeb khel hota hay,
Class k bahanay dilon ka mail hota hay,
Notes ke jagah love sale hota hay,
Iss liye to PAPPU her sall fail hota hay.
Silent lips may avoid many problems,
But smiling lips will solve many problems,
:
:
so
:
:
:
:
:
Har velay sarya na karo,
Kadi kadi has v lya karo.
Mayawati came 2 lalu’s house with an elephant,
Lalu- bhaiswa ke sath aaye ho,
Mayawati- dikhta nahi elephantwa hai,
Lalu- dhutt pagli hum elephantwa se puch raha hun.
Ek Budiya Cinema Hall Me, Coldrink Ki Botle
Leke Bethi Thi,
Kabhi 15 Min Me Muh Ko Lagati To Kabhi 20
Min Me,
Pas Bethe Santa Ko Gussa Aa,
Gaya, Usne Budhiya Se Botal Chini,
Aur Puri 1 Ghut Me Pikar Bola,
Aise Peete Hai,
Budiya Boli- Par Beta Mai To,
Pan Thook Rahi Thi.
Lady:Im Sexually Harassed at Office,
Friend: wat hapnd?
lady :A Man keeps saying ur Hair smells nice.
Friend:so wats wrong in that?
Lady:He’s only 3 feet tall.
A boys calls her ex,
Boy : hey i jus saw a muvie, it
reminded me of u miss u,
Gal : awwwww even i miss,
u kaunsi muvie dekhi?
Boy : ek thi daayan :p
Postal department has,
issued Sunny Leone stamps,
Men are confused which side,
to lick and which side to stick.
LOCAL BODY TAX is not appicable on my trade,
as of my body is imported,
Regards:-
Your’s
SUNNY LEONE.
Santa running behind bus,
and finaly catches it
n asked driver,
ye bus teri ma lagti hai ?Nahi.
Behan lagti? Nahi,
biwi ? nahi.
To sala chadne kyu nahi deta.
A Boy Doing Push Ups
One Two Three,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Suddenly A Girl Passes
Boy – 82 83 84.
Dil pagal hai pyar me tere paro,
Dil pagal hai, pyar me tere paro,
ACP bola  Fredricks ghar ka kona kona chan maro.
Santa- ye bata ki duniya me kitne desh hai?
Banta- kar di na paglon wali bat,
duniya me 1 hi desh hai INDIA,
baki sab to videsh hai.
Twinkle twinkle little star,
Teri girlfrnd gaii bazaar,
Us ko mil gaya naya pyar,
Aur ab tu beth k makhiyaa maar.
Plane catches fire & there are 2 parachutes,
Santa & Banta take 1 each,
Santa: What about the air-hostess?
Banta: Fuck her,
Santa: (after a pause)
Sach bol itna time hai kya?
Pappu ne FM Radio pe phone kiya aur kaha :
.
.
Mujhe Lawrence Road pe ek Purse mila hai,
jisme 15000 cash, ek Credit Card aur,
Rahman Malik ke naam ka ID mila hai,
.
.
RJ : Wah… Aap kitne imaandaar hain,
Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge???
.
.
Pappu : Nahi  Main chahta hun ki Rahman,
Malik ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye.
Ek pagal khat likh raha tha,
Dr. ne poucha kis ko likh rahe ho,
Pagal: khud ko,
Dr: kya likha hai,
Pagal: mujhe kya pata,
Abhi mujhe mila thodi hai.
All Love Stories End in a tragedy,
It is either a break-up or a marriage.
Lady – shoes dikhaiye,
Shopkeeper : kitne number ka ?
Lady – 36 no,
Shopkeeper : jaao madam, ghar se soch
kar nikla karo ki lena kya hai.
Positive advice :
Keep your head held up high,
And your middle finger even higher.
Inspired by Ang Lee’s  Life of Pi,
Shiney Ahuja is making a film,  Life of Bai.
Santa the film producer planned a,
remake of the classic english film The Good,
The Bad and The Ugly in Hindi,
Santa named it:
Main, Meri Biwi aur Uski Maa
During MBBS final exam:
Examiner asked me which contraceptive,
method hv 100% success rate?
I answered :
HANDS,
He slaped me infront of 20 girls,
but gave me heighest marks.
Santa was caught by police,
Police: How did you kill 20 people?
Santa: Main gaadi tez chala raha tha,
par jab maine brake lagaya, toh pata
laga ki brake fail ho gaya hain,
Phir main ne samne dekha toh ek taraf,
2 aadmi ja rahe the aur dusri taraf,
1 barat ja rahi thi, Ab tum batao main gaadi kidhar modta?
Police: Of course, jis taraf 2 admi the.
Nuksaan kam hota.
Santa: Exactly. Maine bhi yahi socha
tha par woh 2 aadmi meri gaadi
dekh kar barat me ghus gaye
BOY : I want us to be in a relationship,
GIRL : Its okay but under one condition,
BOY : Which one ?
GIRL : No sex, bcoz am preserving it for my future husband,
BOY : Thats okay, I also have my condition,
GIRL : Which one ?
BOY : No using of my money coz am preserving it for my future wife,
GIRL : Lo tum tho serious ho gaye.. Arre I ws kidin jaanu Boy:Can i Kiss u?
Girl:Condom laye ho?
Boy:kiss k liye condom??
Girl : sharif to aise ban rahe ho
jese kissing k bad sex nahi karega.
A towel can make ur career – Ranbeer kapoor,
a towel can destroy you career – shreeshant,
u can make career without a towel – sunny leone.
CID ne Sony se naata jod liya,
CID ne Sony se naata jod liya,
jis room me mana raha tha abhijeet suhagraat,
Daya ne uska darwaja bhi tod diya.
The correct answer to How are you?  is,
Do you really want to know?
A Superb line Written
on a Hospital Board:
If you still want to See “Hot Girls” even after your Death,
DONATE YOUR EYES.
Teacher-
Batao dunia ki sabse bevkuf prajati kaunsi hai?
Santa ka baccha khada hokar bola,
hath pair tod dunga agar, kissi ne Santa ka Beta kaha to.
Latest IPL Adv:
Please enjoy the matches,
Fixed toh aapki Shadi bhi thi.
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