Funny English Jokes - 5

Love is a game that two can play, And both win. Would u like to play with me.

Curls of your silky hair, Curves of your dressing pair, Simply irresistible.

Dady asked his 3 years old son. Would you like baby brother or a baby sister, Son: dad, I like ur sisters baby girl

The way to lose wight is the green tea, Only if u go to the mountain n pik it yourself.

Patient: every time i take tea, I get sharp pain in my eye? Doctor: Take dat spoon out of your eye please.

A two seater plane .. . crashed at a graveyard.. . . at Punjab… . . . Locals found 500 .. . dead bodies and .. . . still digging 4 more…!!   lolx hahahhaha

Pappu rings a call centre… . . My internet is not working properly.. . Officer: . . Ok . Double click on “My computer” . . Pappu: . I can’t see ur computer.. . Officer: . No no.. . click on “My computer” on ur computer.. . Pappu: . . How can I click on ur computer from my.. . computer?>.. . Officer: . listen.. . There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur.. . computer.. . Ok.. . double click on it.. . Pappu: . . what the hell, what is your computer doing on.. . my computer..??? . . Officer: . Double click on ur computer.. . Pappu: . On which Icon i’ve to click.. . Officer: . . “My Computer”.. . Pappu:… . Oh u Idiot…… . . Tell me where is ur office… . I’ll come there and .. . click on ur “Computer.”??   lolx hahahahahahha

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!!

One day a Man Asked Shakespeare: Man: “U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?” Shakespeare: (Showed Him A Calendar N Said) ……”A Week Has 7 Days; Can U Say Which Day Is Younger,Either Sunday Or Saturday ???? So, Love Comes 4rm Heart Not In Age…” Love Has No Age. -MORAL:— Senior Girls aRe Also Available For Boys

A guy gets pulled over for speeding on a rainy day. The traffic police says, “Isn’t it kind of stupid 2 be driving so fast in this weather?” The driver says, “Who’s stupid? I’m dry in my car. You’re the 1 who’s standing out in the rain.”

Sardar g is buying a Television… . . Sardar to storeman: “Do u have color TVs?” . storeman: “Sure.” . . Sardar: “Give me a green one, please.”   hahahhaha

A man is cutting sides of a capsule before taking it. His neighbour saw this and asked him, ” why are you cutting the sides of the capsule? He replied ” To avoid the side effects”   lolx hahhahahah

A divorced woman 2 her advocate: I want 2 marry my ex-husband again… Advocate asks his client, “Why??? Only last month u got the divorce.” Divorced Woman: After divorce, I c him very happy & I just cannot tolerate it!  :@ :@ :@

joke of the day: Boy bought gift 4 His Girl friend on breakup party- Girl Friend:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket? Boy: U wanted stars ???? Now sit on it and GET LOST  hahhahah

Pathan in an American School: Teacher: Are you nervous? Pathan: No, I am not. I am single. Teacher: Is this your pencil? Pathan: Yes, I am a pencil. Teacher: What are you wearing? Pathan: I am fat.   lolxx

If  u give a man a fish, he eats 4 a day. If  u teach a man 2 fish, he can always eat. If  u give a man a fire, he’s warm 4 a day. If  u light a man on fire, he is warm 4 the rest of his life.   lolx

Alisha: What is the longest word in the English language? Salma: SMILES: becoz there is a mile between the first and last letters!”

Shahid to the umpire: “My players would like to know if ICC has rules against thinking.” Umpire: “Thinking. Not really! Why do you ask?” Shahid: “Well because my team thinks you are a dick.”    lolxxx

Sadia: Why do they never serve beer at a math party? Saqib: Because you can’t drink and derive…    lolxxx

Adam: Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window? Rayyan: He wanted to see time fly.    lolx

Teacher: Why R U late, Ahsan? Ahsan: There was a man who lost a 100 dollar bill. Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Ahsan: No. I was standing on it.

2 fish in a bowl talking: fish 1: Do you believe in God? fish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?   lolxx

Little Jerry: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Jerry, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Jerry: But I asked first!   lolxxxx

Ahsan: Why R U crying? Sania: The elephant is dead. Ahsan: Was he your pet? Sania: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.   lolx

Arif: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? Bilal: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter. Arif: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father. Bilal: I’m not. I’m her mother.   lol

Ali: I have the perfect son. Basit: Does he smoke? Ali: No, he doesn’t. Basit: Does he drink whiskey? Ali: No, he doesn’t. Basit: Does he ever come home late? Ali: No, he doesn’t. Basit: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? Ali: He will be six months old next Wednesday.   hahahahah

*Killing English* Pappu:- “Hey, Fruit walay Baba, give me some Potatoes fever. . . Fruit wala: Oo mere bhai ye ‘Potatoes Fever’ kya hota hai? . . Pappu:- Oo Maye Gaad, You Literacy People, Potatoes Fever means “Aaloo Bukhara!” Pappu:- “Hey, Fruit walay Baba, give me some Potatoes fever. . . Fruit wala: Oo mere bhai ye ‘Potatoes Fever’ kya hota hai? . . Pappu:- Oo Maye Gaad, You Literacy People, Potatoes Fever means “Aaloo Bukhara!”