Funny Englis Jokes

<a href="http://shortnicemessages.blogspot.com.tr/2015/10/joke.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Funny English Jokes - 1</b></span></a><br /> <a href="http://shortnicemessages.blogspot.com.tr/2016/01/funny-english-jokes-2.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Funny English Jokes - 2</b></span></a><br /> <a href="http://shortnicemessages.blogspot.com.tr/2016/01/funny-english-jokes-3.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Funny English Jokes - 3</b></span></a><br /> <a href="http://shortnicemessages.blogspot.com.tr/2016/01/funny-english-jokes-3.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Funny English Jokes - 4</b></span></a><br /> <a href="http://shortnicemessages.blogspot.com.tr/2015/12/english-jokes-messages-sms.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Funny English Jokes - 5</b></span></a>

Funny Englis Jokes

Funny English Jokes - 1 Funny English Jokes - 2 Funny English Jokes - 3 Funny English Jokes - 4 Funny English Jokes - 5

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Funny English Jokes -4

<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTable15Grid6ColorfulAccent6" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;"> <tbody> <tr> <td style="border-bottom: solid #A8D08D 1.5pt; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #A8D08D 1.5pt; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-bottom-themetint: 153; mso-border-bottom-themetint: 153; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 5;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Jokes of the Rooster</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 5;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">One day, Nasreddin Hoca chicken will take to the market was to fill their cages. The cage was full to overflowing with chicken that has been set forth, such as.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Half way into the cage to stop and have a look at: the poor animals "said." This is hot stuff like that compression will kill to stop. Bari let out, the market would run up behind me ... "said<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">And the cage door open so said. Chickens at a time and throwing out the four were spread apart. Nasreddin Hoca's bored in this business can too. Take a stick and began immediately in the hands of the chasing rooster:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-You rascal, you! At midnight, the morning you know that the path to the broad daylight of the market do not know why ..?</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">TEN AKCE FOR PESTAMAL</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">One day, Great Tamerlane goes to the Aksehir Central Hamam (hamam=Turkish bath). In hamam, after undressed and wrapped ‘pestamals’ (large bath towel) around, they enter into hot room. They sit on ‘gobek tasi’ (large very hot marble). While sweating, they chat.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Then Tamerlane asks the Hodja:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-Hodja, you are very learned one! You know to appraise properly. Tell me what is my worth, my value?<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-10 ‘Akce’ (old Turkish gold coin), replied the Hodja.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Tamerlane flies into a rage about the so low appraisal value for himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-You, idiot! says Tamerlane, how can yo say me my value is ten Akces, just this pestamal alone is worth 10 Akce!<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Nasreddin Hoja replies by nodding,<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-I included that when I gave you my estimate!<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">LETTER<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">An Iranian gave Hodja a letter he had received from a friend back home and asked Hodja to read it to him. Hodja looked at the letter. It was in Persian and the handwriting was terrible so he told the man “Have somebody else read it. “The man insisted. “Listen” said Hodja “I don’t know Persian. Even if it were in Turkish, the writing is so bad that I still wouldn’t be able to read it!” The Iranian got mad, “You are wearing a huge robe and a turban but can’t read even a simple letter. You should be ashamed of yourself!” Hodja took off the turban and the robe and gave them to the Iranian saying “If one can do everything by wearing a robe and a turban then here you can wear them and read the letter yourself!”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">BLUE BEAD</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Hodja had two wives and, because they were jealous of each other they used to fight quite often. To put an end to the fighting Hodja gave each one a blue bead and said “Now don’t tell the other one that I have given you this bead which is a symbol of my love for you.” One day they were fighting again. They asked Hodja whom he loved the best. He answered calmly “I love the one who has the blue bead.” Each wife then thought Hodja loved her the best and they never bothered him again.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">I’LL KNOW WHAT TO DO</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Hodja lost his saddlebag in the town where he had stopped to spend the night. “You either find my saddlebag or I’ll know what to do” he said to the peasants in town. The peasants were alarmed and they looked for it everywhere They finally found Hodja`s saddlebag and returned it to him. Just before Hodja left the town, the peasants asked “What would you have done if we hadn’t found it?” Hodja shrugged his shoulders and said “I have an old kilim at home. I was going to cut it up and make another saddlebag with it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">THANK GOD!Hadja had lost his donkey. While he was looking for it, he kept repeating, “Thank God!”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">“Hodja, why are you thanking God all the time?” people asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">“I am grateful that I was not on the donkey, otherwise I would be lost too.” he answered.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">LET İT CRY!</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">One night, Hodja was waken up by his wife while their baby was crying in his cradle. .<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-Hodja, swing the cradle! This baby is not only mine but the half is yours.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Hodja with sleepy eyes,<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-Ok, do it for the half of yours, let the half part of mine cry!.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">IF THİS BE THE LİVER</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Nasreddin Hodja was very fond of liver. But every time he brought some home, his wife would seize the opportunity and give a party to her friends. Come evening and the Hodja would again be fed some soup or rice.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">The excuse was always the same: “Ah Effendi, that good-for-nothing cat of yours stole the liver and ate the lot!”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">On one such night the Hodja could contain himself no longer. He sprang up, fetched the steelyard and tying a handkerchief around the cat’s middle, weighed it carefully. Then turning to his wife:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">– I thought so!, he said. The liver i brought home today weighed exactly one kilo. This cat here weighs one kilo too. Well, women, if this be the liver where is my cat?<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">LAST HOPE</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">The Hodja had lost his donkey and was going about searching for it, at the same time singing gaily.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Someone couldn’t help asking:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-It looks funny to hear you sing, Hodja Effendi, when everyone knows you have lost your donkey. One would expect to see you wailing and lamenting your loss!<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-My one last hope is that the dump creature may be behind that hill, yonder, my friend. Wait and hear the wailing and the lamenting, if that shouldn’t be the case!<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">I, MY OWN TOO, DİDN’T APPROVE</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Someones asked the Hodja:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-Effendi, Have you ever invented anything?<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-I did, replied the Hodja.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-What did you invented?<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-to eat the bread with snow… I invented it myself but I, my own too, didn’t approve…<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">My Sons Father Died</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">One day they see Hodja dressed in black and ask:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">What happened, Hodja Effendi? You’re dressed in black!<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">My son’s father has died, and so I’m mournful!<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Bath Tip</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">One day Hodja goes to the Turkish bath. The keepers, of the bath don’t care for him at all. They give him an old and torn bath towel. Hodja doesn’t say anything. When he is leaving the bath, he gives them a generous tip.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">When he comes to the same bath a week later, he is served very well this time, but he gives them a very little tip.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">The keepers of the bath say:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“Effendi, are you giving such a little tip for our great care and respect?<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Hodja says:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“The tip I’m giving today is for last week’s service. The tip I gave last week was for today’s service.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Nightingale Junior</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">One day Hodja climbs one of the charity trees by the roadside and starts eating some figs. A traveler who is going by calls:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-Halloo! Who are you? What are you doing there?<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“I’m a nightingale” says Hodja.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">The man:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“What a peculiar voice! Does a nightingale sing like this?”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“What can I do? An inexperienced nightingale sings like this.”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">They ask Hodja:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“Do you know how to play the stringed instruments?”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“Yes, I do,” says Hodja.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“Ok, then. Play it,” they say giving him the stringed instrument. (We call this instrument “saz” in Turkish. It is used to play oriental music.)<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Hodja takes the plectrum into his hand and starts striking the strings without striking the frets, and so produces same odd sounds.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“Oh, Hodja. Do you play the saz like this? You should strike the frets; first and as you strike the strings with the plectrum, notes are produced in accordance with the tune,” they say,<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-“The ones who cannot find the frets play it like that. I’ve found the fret as soon as I’ve taken the saz into my hand. So why should I lose time trying to find the fret?” says Hodja.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Mum Will Cry!</span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">One of Hodja’s sons is a potter in a nearby village. One day he says:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dad, I spent all my money on these pots. If it is sunny and they all dry in time, I’ll be rich. But if it rains, my mum will cry (it is an idiom in Turkish which means to be in distress h to be in a great difficulty)<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Then Hodja calls on his elder son who lives in another village. His son says:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dad, I spent all my fortune on this farm. If it rains in time, I’ll become rich. But there is drought, my mum will cry.”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Hodja returns home bored. His wife says:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">“What happened, Effendi? Why are you sulky today?”<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">“That is not important. You think of your own case. It doesn’t matter whether it rains or not; one of our sons mother will cry in any case.<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">While Nasreddin Hodja is traveling on a summer day, he feels very thirsty at noon. He sees a lake nearby. He sits by the lake to drink some water. He puts some water in his palm and drinks a mouthful of water quickly. But it causes nausea and he tries to spit out the water. He tastes Acıgöl’s water for the first time, and its water with sodium sulphate disturbs his stomach. While he is looking round, he comes across a small spring. When he understands that it is fresh water first he rinses his mouth, then he drinks it. He also waters his donkey. Later he looks at Acıgöl rising in waves noisily and puts some freshwater from the spring into his hands:<o:p></o:p></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">“Don’t put on airs like the rich but mean man’s property. What you call water must be like this!” he says scattering the water in his hands to the lake.</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> </tbody></table>

Funny English Jokes -4

Jokes of the Rooster One day, Nasreddin Hoca chicken will take to the market was to fill their cages. The cage was full to o...

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Funny English Jokes -3

<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTable15Grid6ColorfulAccent6" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;"> <tbody> <tr> <td style="border-bottom: solid #A8D08D 1.5pt; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #A8D08D 1.5pt; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-bottom-themetint: 153; mso-border-bottom-themetint: 153; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 5;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">The Architect<b><br /> One Sunday, an architect visited Seoul, Korea. He was there for a conference but had all<br /> <br /> Sunday to explore the city. He decided to take a taxi around the city and see lots of sites.<br /> <br /> He paid the taxi driver $100 and said, “Take me around Seoul and show me all the sites”<br /> <br /> The taxi driver was very happy for the business and started driving. Immediately, they saw a big, beautiful palace.<br /> <br /> The architect said in a loud voice (for he was from Texas). “What is the building?”<br /> <br /> The taxi driver said, “That is Gyeongbokgung. It took almost 20 years to build!<br /> <br /> “Ah, that’s nothing” replied the American. “We could build that in a year in America.<br /> <br /> The driver continued driving. Suddenly the Texan saw a large domed building. He asked,<br /> <br /> “What building is that?” The taxi driver said, “That is the National Assembly, it is the largest in Asia.”<br /> <br /> The architect replied, “Ah, that’s nothing. Back home, we could build that in a few weeks!”<br /> <br /> The taxi driver continued driving. They passed a very high, gold building which shimmered<br /> <br /> in the sun. The architect jumped up in his seat and screamed, “Oh my god! What building is that?”<br /> <br /> The taxi driver looked back at him and shook his head.<br /> <br /> He said, “I DON’T KNOW. IT WASN’T THERE THIS MORNING!”<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></b></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">The Salesman<b><br /> Henry Leech was a salesman. He was a good salesman and sold lots of vacuum cleaners. One week, the manager sent Henry into the countryside to sell.<br /> <br /> He drove out of town and stopped at a farmhouse. He knocked on the door and the farmer’s wife opened it. Henry started into his speech immediately.<br /> <br /> “Mam, how much time do you spend sweeping the floors? “<br /> <br /> “A lot of time. This is a farm and things get dirty quickly.” said the woman.<br /> <br /> “And how much time do you spend beating the carpets?” asked Henry.<br /> <br /> “A lot of time. This house gets dusty and my dog also lays on them”<br /> <br /> “Well” said Henry, “This is your lucky day.”<br /> <br /> Henry showed her his vacuum cleaner and said,<br /> <br /> “You can clean the house in 5 minutes with this!”<br /> <br /> The farmer’s wife didn’t look interested.<br /> <br /> Henry took out a big bag of dirt. He opened it and threw it all over the floor. The farmer’s wife was very surprised. Before she could speak Henry said, “ Mam, if this machine doesn’t pick up every last piece of dirt, I will eat all of it!!!!!”<br /> <br /> The farmer’s wife looked at Henry and said,<br /> <br /> “WELL, I WILL GET YOU A SPOON.<br /> <br /> WE HAVE NO ELECTRICITY.”<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></b></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">The Dog<b><br /> Linda Robinson was very thirsty so she went into a cafe. There was anold woman in the cafe.<br /> <br /> She was sitting near the door at a table. At her feet, under the table, there was a small dog.<br /> <br /> Linda bought a glass of lemonade and some cookies. She sat down at the table next to the old woman. The old woman sat quietly. She looked lonely. Linda decided to be kind and talk to the old woman.<br /> <br /> “It is very hot today.” she said.<br /> <br /> “Yes, but it is nice inside here.” replied the old woman.<br /> <br /> Linda looked at the dog and asked, “Does your dog like people.”<br /> <br /> The woman answered, “Oh! Yes! She loves people.”<br /> <br /> Linda wanted to give the dog a cookie. So she asked, “ Does your dog like cookies?”<br /> <br /> “They are his favourite food.” said the old lady.<br /> <br /> Linda was terribly afraid of dogs so she asked, “Does your dog bite?”<br /> <br /> The old woman smiled and said, “ NO! My dog is very tame. She is even afraid of cats!”<br /> <br /> Linda took a cookie in her hand and reached under the table. She put it near the dog’s mouth.<br /> <br /> But the dog didn’t bite the cookie, she bit her hand! Linda jumped up, spilling her lemonade.<br /> <br /> She screamed, “I thought you said, your dog didn’t bite.”<br /> <br /> The old woman looked at Linda and then at the dog. Then she said,<br /> <br /> “THAT’S NOT MY DOG!”</b><o:p></o:p></span></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nasreddin Hoca's Jokes<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nasrettin Hodja's donkey was stolen. In stead of consolling, his neighbours were blaming him saying.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">"You should have locked the shed,"<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">"Didn't you hear any noises?"<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">"You should have tied the donkey securely."<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nasrettin Hodja listened patiently, for awhile and finnaly said,<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">"Well, you are putting all the blame on me. Do you think the thief was innocent?"<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Tuesday Namaz<b>Hodja dress up his frock and ride Karakaçan. In his way one of his collegue’s asks:<o:p></o:p></b></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Where are you going Hodja?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">I am going to Friday Namaz.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">How can you do that, today is Tuesday?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">HOdja shows Karakaçan and says:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">I never know my faihtful Karakaçan’s way, we can hardly catch it on friday.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">How Far<b>Hodja was running as fast and shouting as loud as he could. Somebody saw him and thought something had happened to him. So, he ran up to Nasrettin Hodja and asked,<o:p></o:p></b></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">"What happened, Hodja?"<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nasreddin Hodja kept on running and said,<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">"I wondered how far my voice travels. So, I am running after it."<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <br /></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nasreddin Hodja - Earth's Balance<b>They asked Hodja,<o:p></o:p></b></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">"Sir,in the morning some people go this way and some go the opposite way. Why?"<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Hodja answered,<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">"If they went in the same direction, the Earth would loose its balance and toople."<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">EXPENSİVE BİRDS<b>Nasreddin Hodja approached to a crowd gathered around a man in the market of Aksehir. The man was trying to sell his own bird and its price was too high, 50 Akce (Akce=old Turkish gold coin). On the other side, one chicken was for 5 Akce. The Hodja couldn’t get the much difference in the prices and asks;<o:p></o:p></b></span></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-My fellow countryman, what kind of bird is it you want 50 Akce?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-Hodja Effendi, this one is not a kind of bird that you know, this has special property.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-What is its speciality?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-My Hodja, this bird is called parrot and speaks.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">The Hodja suddenly runs home, takes his turkey from the coop, and comes back to the market. He stays near the man selling the parrot and loudly;<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-This bird you see is only for 100 Akce, come, comeee!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">The most surprised man in the crowd was the seller of the parrot and he asks;<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-My Hodja, isn’t 100 Akce too high for a turkey?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-But you are selling yours for 50 Akce, replies Hodja.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-But mine speaks as I said before<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <b><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">-So what, mine thinks!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> </tbody></table>

Funny English Jokes -3

The Architect One Sunday, an architect visited Seoul, Korea. He was there for a conference but had all Sunday to explor...

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Funny English Jokes - 2

<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTable15Grid6ColorfulAccent6" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;"> <tbody> <tr> <td style="border-bottom: solid #A8D08D 1.5pt; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #A8D08D 1.5pt; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-bottom-themetint: 153; mso-border-bottom-themetint: 153; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 5;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">The Birthday Present<b><br /> A woman needed to buy her mother a birthday present. She didn’t know what to buy her mother. She only had one day to buy her mother something.<br /> <br /> So she went out window shopping. Soon enough, she walked by a pet store window. She thought to herself, “What a lovely idea for a present! My mother is so lonely and she needs a pet.”<br /> <br /> The woman went into the store and saw many wonderful animals. Puppy dogs, fluffy cats, gold fish, cute mice. But the woman didn’t think these were special enough. She asked the manager if he had a pet that was really special. The manager thought for a moment and replied,<br /> <br /> “Yes, but it costs a lot of money. $5,000”<br /> <br /> “I have a parrot that can speak 7 languages, Chinese, English, French, Korean, German, Russian and even Hindi!”<br /> <br /> The woman said, “Perfect” and bought the bird. She sent it by special delivery to her mother, so she would get it the next day.<br /> <br /> The next evening after work, the woman called her mother. She asked, “How do you like your birthday present.”<br /> <br /> Her mother replied, “Thank you, IT’S DELICIOUS!”<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></b></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">It is the butcher !!<b><br /> An old woman was lonely. She decided to get a pet. She didn’t have much money so she went to a second hand pet shop. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <b><span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /> She saw many animals: a three legged cat, a dog without a tail, fish that could only swim backwards and a beautiful bird that could only say one thing, “Who is it?”. She decided to buy the bird. She bought a cage for her bird and went home. She put the bird by the door and went downtown to do some shopping.<br /> <br /> While she was gone, a man knocked on the door.<br /> <br /> “Who is it?” replied the parrot.<br /> <br /> “It’s the butcher,” he said.<br /> <br /> “Who is it?”, repeated the bird.<br /> <br /> “It’s the butcher,” said the man.<br /> <br /> “Who is it?” asked the parrot.<br /> <br /> “It’s the butcher!!,”, said the man angrily.<br /> <br /> “Who is it?” “It’s the butcher!!!!”, he screamed.<br /> <br /> “Who is it?” “It’s the butcher, the butcher, the butch...”<br /> <br /> Suddenly the butcher fell to the floor. He had had a heart attack.<br /> <br /> Later that day, the old woman came home and found the man laying on her doorstep. She opened her door and asked the parrot, “Who is it?” . The parrot replied,<br /> <br /> “It’s the butcher!”<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></span></b><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Onions and Garlics<b><br /> Long ago there lived two brothers. Joshua and Eli. They lived on a farm and were very poor. Joshua worked hard ever day. Eli was lazy and didn’t like towork. One day, Joshua heard of a kingdom far away. This kingdom didn’t have onions! Hmmmm, thought Joshua. If I could sell them onions, they’d pay a lot of money! He asked to see the king and was granted an audience. Joshua told the king about the onions and the king was curious. He invited Joshua to make a big feast with many dishes prepared with onions.<br /> <br /> That evening, the king and his guests tasted the dishes. Everyone agreed, the onion made everything taste so much better! The king smiled from ear to ear. He said to Joshua, “Theseonions are the most precious thing in my kingdom. In return for them, I will give you their equal weight in the most precious thing I have – diamonds.” Joshua was instantly rich and returned to his village with a wagon full of diamonds.<br /> <br /> Joshua shared his wealth but his brother Eli was still very jealous. He asked Joshua if this kingdom has garlic. Joshua thought and said, “In fact, they don’t have any garlic.”<br /> <br /> Hmmmm, thought Eli. If I could sell them garlic, I’d be very rich indeed. Garlic is much tastier than onions.<br /> <br /> Eli traveled to the kingdom as his brother had done. Just like Joshua, he got an audience with the king and made a feast. And just like Joshua, the king declared garlic the most precious thing in his kingdom. It was a big hit! The king said, “ I will give you their equal weight in the most precious thing in my kingdom.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br /> <br /> Here you are – Onions!<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></b></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">The Lion<b><br /> One day a lion was walking through the jungle. He was young and very proud. He met a snake and said, “Who is the king of the jungle?”<br /> <br /> The snake said, “You are.” It did not make the lion angry and he smiled.<br /> <br /> Thirty metres later, he met a monkey and asked, “Monkey, Who is the king of the jungle?”<br /> <br /> The monkey said quickly, “You are.” The lion smiled and continued on his way.Next, the lion met a crocodile. He stopped and asked the crocodile, “Who is the king of the jungle?”<br /> <br /> The crocodile didn’t answer so the lion roared very loudly. “WHO IS THE KINGOF THE JUNGLE?” The crocodile answered quickly, “You are.” The lion was satisfied and said, “Next time, answer quickly or I will eat you!” Finally, the lion met an elephant. He stopped, looked angrily at the elephant and asked,<br /> <br /> “Elephant, who is king of the jungle?”<br /> <br /> The elephant picked up the lion with his trunk and dropped him to the ground. The elephant kicked the lion and then jumped on top of him. The lion was very surprised and hurt. He got up, shook the dirt off and shouted,<br /> <br /> “YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET ANGRY JUST BECAUSE YOU<br /> <br /> DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER!”<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></b></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">The Spy<b><br /> Nigel Cavendish was a famous British spy. For over 20 years he went on important missions andstole important secrets from countries all over the world. However, his luck ran out. One day, he was captured by the Russian government. The British government said they didn’t know anything about him. He was taken to court and sentenced to death by firing squad. On the day of his execution the weather was terrible.<br /> <br /> It was raining cats and dogs and there was a cold north wind blowing fiercely. The guards came to his prison cell and led him outside.<br /> <br /> They walked in the pouring, cold rain for almost half a kilometre. It was muddy, they were soaked andfreezing to death. They put Nigel up against the wall and lined up to shoot him. They asked him if he had any last words to say. Nigel said, “What horrible men you are – to bring me out to be shot on such a horrible day.”<br /> <br /> One soldier looked up at the dark sky and said,<br /> <br /> “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT!<br /> <br /> WE HAVE TO WALK BACK!”<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></b></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #E2EFD9; border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent6; mso-background-themetint: 51; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 68;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">The Shopkeeper<b><br /> Once there was a Korean shopkeeper named Mr. Park. He lived in New York and had had a small corner store for 45 years. He worked very hard, 16 hours every day and he never took a holiday.<br /> <br /> One day, his daughter arrived at the store and found Mr. Park lying on the floor. He had had a heart attack! She called 911 and he was rushed to the hospital. He survived and was very weak, resting in the hospital. A day later he awoke and slowly looked around his hospital room.<br /> <br /> He asked in a weak voice, “Are you there, my dear wife?”<br /> <br /> “Yes,” she replied “I am here my dearest.”<br /> <br /> Mr. Park asked, “Are you here, my oldest son?”<br /> <br /> “Yes, I am here.” replied his oldest son.<br /> <br /> “Are you here, my daughter?” Mr. Park asked in a faint voice.<br /> <br /> “Yes, father, I am here.” the daughter replied with a tear in her eye.<br /> <br /> “Are you here, my youngest son?” asked Mr. Park.<br /> <br /> “Yes, papa. I am here by your side.” said the baby of the family.<br /> <br /> Suddenly Mr. Park’s eyes grew big and threw off the bed covers and jumped up, screaming,<br /> <br /> “SO THEN, WHO IS WATCHING THE STORE!”<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></b></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="border-top: none; border: solid #A8D08D 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-themetint: 153; mso-border-top-alt: solid #A8D08D .5pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent6; mso-border-top-themetint: 153; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 12.0pt; mso-yfti-cnfc: 4;"> <span style="color: #538135; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">The Lawyer and the Lexus<b><br /> A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.<br /> <br /> As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.<br /> <br /> Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it.<br /> <br /> When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officershook his head in disgust and disbelief.<br /> <br /> "I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."<br /> <br /> "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.<br /> <br /> The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."<br /> <br /> "My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--></b></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div> </td> </tr> </tbody></table>

Funny English Jokes - 2

The Birthday Present A woman needed to buy her mother a birthday present. She didn’t know what to buy her mother. She only ha...

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Funny English Jokes - 5

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTableMediumGrid1Accent5" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;"> <tbody> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Love is a game that two can play,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">And both win.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Would u like to play with me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Curls of your silky hair,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Curves of your dressing pair,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Simply irresistible.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Dady asked his 3 years old son.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Would you like baby brother or a baby sister,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Son: dad, I like ur sisters baby girl <o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The way to lose wight is the green tea,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Only if u go to the mountain n pik it yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Patient: every time i take tea,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I get sharp pain in my eye?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Doctor: Take dat spoon out of your eye please.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A two seater plane ..<br /> .<br /> crashed at a graveyard..<br /> .<br /> .<br /> at Punjab…<br /> .<br /> .<br /> .<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Locals found 500 ..<br /> .<br /> dead bodies and ..<br /> .<br /> .<br /> still digging 4 more…!!   lolx hahahhaha<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Pappu rings a call centre…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> My internet is not working properly..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> Officer:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> Ok<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> Double click on “My computer”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> Pappu:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> I can’t see ur computer..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Officer:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> No no..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> click on “My computer” on ur computer..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Pappu:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> How can I click on ur computer from my..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> computer?>..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Officer:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> listen..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> computer..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Ok..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> double click on it..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Pappu:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> what the hell, what is your computer doing on..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> my computer..???<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Officer:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Double click on ur computer..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Pappu:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> On which Icon i’ve to click..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Officer:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> “My Computer”..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Pappu:…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /> Oh u Idiot……<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> Tell me where is ur office…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I’ll come there and ..<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">click on ur “Computer.”??   lolx hahahahahahha<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Scientists are trying 2…<br /> .<br /> figure out how long…<br /> .<br /> a person can live …<br /> .<br /> without brain…<br /> .<br /> .<br /> .<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Please tell them ur age!!! <o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">One day a Man Asked Shakespeare:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Man: “U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Shakespeare: (Showed Him A Calendar N Said)<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">……”A Week Has 7 Days;<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Can U Say Which Day Is<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Younger,Either Sunday Or<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Saturday ????<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">So, Love Comes 4rm Heart Not In<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Age…”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Love Has No Age.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">-MORAL:—<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Senior Girls aRe Also<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Available For Boys  <o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A guy gets pulled over for speeding on a rainy day.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The traffic police says, “Isn’t it kind of stupid 2 be driving so fast in this weather?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">The driver says, “Who’s stupid? I’m dry in my car. You’re the 1 who’s standing out in the rain.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sardar g is buying a Television…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> Sardar to storeman: “Do u have color TVs?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> storeman: “Sure.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">.<br /> Sardar: “Give me a green one, please.”   hahahhaha<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A man is cutting sides of a capsule before taking it.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">His neighbour saw this and asked him,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">” why are you cutting the sides of the capsule?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">He replied ” To avoid the side effects”   lolx hahhahahah<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">A divorced woman 2 her advocate: I want 2 marry my ex-husband again…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Advocate asks his client, “Why??? Only last month u got the divorce.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Divorced Woman: After divorce, I c him very happy & I just cannot tolerate it!  :@ :@ :@<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">joke of the day:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Boy bought gift 4 His Girl friend on breakup party-<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Girl Friend:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Boy: U wanted stars ????<br /> Now sit on it and GET LOST  hahhahah<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Pathan in an American School:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Teacher: Are you nervous?<br /> Pathan: No, I am not. I am single.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Teacher: Is this your pencil?<br /> Pathan: Yes, I am a pencil.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Teacher: What are you wearing?<br /> Pathan: I am fat.   lolxx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">If  u give a man a fish, he eats 4 a day.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">If  u teach a man 2 fish, he can always eat.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">If  u give a man a fire, he’s warm 4 a day.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">If  u light a man on fire, he is warm 4 the rest of his life.   lolx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Alisha:<br /> What is the longest word in the English language?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Salma:<br /> SMILES: becoz there is a mile between the first and last letters!”  <o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Shahid to the umpire: “My players would like to know if ICC has rules against thinking.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Umpire: “Thinking. Not really! Why do you ask?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Shahid: “Well because my team thinks you are a dick.”    lolxxx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sadia: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Saqib: Because you can’t drink and derive…    lolxxx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Adam: Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Rayyan: He wanted to see time fly.    lolx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Teacher: Why R U late, Ahsan?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Ahsan: There was a man who lost a 100 dollar bill.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Ahsan: No. I was standing on it.  <o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">2 fish in a bowl talking:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">fish 1: Do you believe in God?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">fish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?   lolxx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Little Jerry: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Teacher: Little Jerry, MAY I go to the bathroom?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Little Jerry: But I asked first!   lolxxxx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Ahsan: Why R U crying?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sania: The elephant is dead.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Ahsan: Was he your pet?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sania: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.   lolx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Arif: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?<br /> Bilal: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.<br /> Arif: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.<br /> Bilal: I’m not. I’m her mother.   lol<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="background: #A5D5E2; border-top: none; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 127; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-border-top-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-top-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-top-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Ali: I have the perfect son.<br /> Basit: Does he smoke?<br /> Ali: No, he doesn’t.<br /> Basit: Does he drink whiskey?<br /> Ali: No, he doesn’t.<br /> Basit: Does he ever come home late?<br /> Ali: No, he doesn’t.<br /> Basit: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?<br /> Ali: He will be six months old next Wednesday.   hahahahah<o:p></o:p></span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> <table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTableMediumGrid1Accent5" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;"> <tbody> <tr> <td style="background: #D2EAF1; border: solid #78C0D4 1.0pt; mso-background-themecolor: accent5; mso-background-themetint: 63; mso-border-themecolor: accent5; mso-border-themetint: 191; padding: 0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; width: 460.6pt;" valign="top" width="768"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">*Killing English*</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">Pappu:- “Hey, Fruit walay Baba, give me some Potatoes fever. . .</span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">Fruit wala: Oo mere bhai ye ‘Potatoes Fever’ kya hota hai? . .</span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">Pappu:- Oo Maye Gaad, You Literacy People, Potatoes Fever means</span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Aaloo Bukhara!”</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">Pappu:- “Hey, Fruit walay Baba, give me some Potatoes fever. . .</span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">Fruit wala: Oo mere bhai ye ‘Potatoes Fever’ kya hota hai? . .</span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">Pappu:- Oo Maye Gaad, You Literacy People, Potatoes Fever means</span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 12pt 0cm 0.0001pt;"> <i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Aaloo Bukhara!”</span></i></div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"> <br /></div> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> </div>

Funny English Jokes - 5

Love is a game that two can play, And both win. Would u like to play with me. Curls of your silky hair, Curves of yo...

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