Funny English Jokes -4

Jokes of the Rooster One day, Nasreddin Hoca chicken will take to the market was to fill their cages. The cage was full to overflowing with chicken that has been set forth, such as. Half way into the cage to stop and have a look at: the poor animals "said." This is hot stuff like that compression will kill to stop. Bari let out, the market would run up behind me ... "said And the cage door open so said. Chickens at a time and throwing out the four were spread apart. Nasreddin Hoca's bored in this business can too. Take a stick and began immediately in the hands of the chasing rooster: -You rascal, you! At midnight, the morning you know that the path to the broad daylight of the market do not know why ..?

TEN AKCE FOR PESTAMAL One day, Great Tamerlane goes to the Aksehir Central Hamam (hamam=Turkish bath). In hamam, after undressed and wrapped ‘pestamals’ (large bath towel) around, they enter into hot room. They sit on ‘gobek tasi’ (large very hot marble). While sweating, they chat. Then Tamerlane asks the Hodja: -Hodja, you are very learned one! You know to appraise properly. Tell me what is my worth, my value? -10 ‘Akce’ (old Turkish gold coin), replied the Hodja. Tamerlane flies into a rage about the so low appraisal value for himself. -You, idiot! says Tamerlane, how can yo say me my value is ten Akces, just this pestamal alone is worth 10 Akce! Nasreddin Hoja replies by nodding, -I included that when I gave you my estimate!

LETTER An Iranian gave Hodja a letter he had received from a friend back home and asked Hodja to read it to him. Hodja looked at the letter. It was in Persian and the handwriting was terrible so he told the man “Have somebody else read it. “The man insisted. “Listen” said Hodja “I don’t know Persian. Even if it were in Turkish, the writing is so bad that I still wouldn’t be able to read it!” The Iranian got mad, “You are wearing a huge robe and a turban but can’t read even a simple letter. You should be ashamed of yourself!” Hodja took off the turban and the robe and gave them to the Iranian saying “If one can do everything by wearing a robe and a turban then here you can wear them and read the letter yourself!”

BLUE BEAD Hodja had two wives and, because they were jealous of each other they used to fight quite often. To put an end to the fighting Hodja gave each one a blue bead and said “Now don’t tell the other one that I have given you this bead which is a symbol of my love for you.” One day they were fighting again. They asked Hodja whom he loved the best. He answered calmly “I love the one who has the blue bead.” Each wife then thought Hodja loved her the best and they never bothered him again.

I’LL KNOW WHAT TO DO Hodja lost his saddlebag in the town where he had stopped to spend the night. “You either find my saddlebag or I’ll know what to do” he said to the peasants in town. The peasants were alarmed and they looked for it everywhere They finally found Hodja`s saddlebag and returned it to him. Just before Hodja left the town, the peasants asked “What would you have done if we hadn’t found it?” Hodja shrugged his shoulders and said “I have an old kilim at home. I was going to cut it up and make another saddlebag with it.”

THANK GOD!Hadja had lost his donkey. While he was looking for it, he kept repeating, “Thank God!” “Hodja, why are you thanking God all the time?” people asked. “I am grateful that I was not on the donkey, otherwise I would be lost too.” he answered.

LET İT CRY! One night, Hodja was waken up by his wife while their baby was crying in his cradle. . -Hodja, swing the cradle! This baby is not only mine but the half is yours. Hodja with sleepy eyes, -Ok, do it for the half of yours, let the half part of mine cry!.

IF THİS BE THE LİVER Nasreddin Hodja was very fond of liver. But every time he brought some home, his wife would seize the opportunity and give a party to her friends. Come evening and the Hodja would again be fed some soup or rice. The excuse was always the same: “Ah Effendi, that good-for-nothing cat of yours stole the liver and ate the lot!” On one such night the Hodja could contain himself no longer. He sprang up, fetched the steelyard and tying a handkerchief around the cat’s middle, weighed it carefully. Then turning to his wife: – I thought so!, he said. The liver i brought home today weighed exactly one kilo. This cat here weighs one kilo too. Well, women, if this be the liver where is my cat?

LAST HOPE The Hodja had lost his donkey and was going about searching for it, at the same time singing gaily. Someone couldn’t help asking: -It looks funny to hear you sing, Hodja Effendi, when everyone knows you have lost your donkey. One would expect to see you wailing and lamenting your loss! -My one last hope is that the dump creature may be behind that hill, yonder, my friend. Wait and hear the wailing and the lamenting, if that shouldn’t be the case!

I, MY OWN TOO, DİDN’T APPROVE Someones asked the Hodja: -Effendi, Have you ever invented anything? -I did, replied the Hodja. -What did you invented? -to eat the bread with snow… I invented it myself but I, my own too, didn’t approve…

My Sons Father Died One day they see Hodja dressed in black and ask: What happened, Hodja Effendi? You’re dressed in black! My son’s father has died, and so I’m mournful!

Bath Tip One day Hodja goes to the Turkish bath. The keepers, of the bath don’t care for him at all. They give him an old and torn bath towel. Hodja doesn’t say anything. When he is leaving the bath, he gives them a generous tip. When he comes to the same bath a week later, he is served very well this time, but he gives them a very little tip. The keepers of the bath say: -“Effendi, are you giving such a little tip for our great care and respect? Hodja says: -“The tip I’m giving today is for last week’s service. The tip I gave last week was for today’s service.

Nightingale Junior One day Hodja climbs one of the charity trees by the roadside and starts eating some figs. A traveler who is going by calls: -Halloo! Who are you? What are you doing there? -“I’m a nightingale” says Hodja. The man: -“What a peculiar voice! Does a nightingale sing like this?” -“What can I do? An inexperienced nightingale sings like this.”

They ask Hodja: -“Do you know how to play the stringed instruments?” -“Yes, I do,” says Hodja. -“Ok, then. Play it,” they say giving him the stringed instrument. (We call this instrument “saz” in Turkish. It is used to play oriental music.) Hodja takes the plectrum into his hand and starts striking the strings without striking the frets, and so produces same odd sounds. -“Oh, Hodja. Do you play the saz like this? You should strike the frets; first and as you strike the strings with the plectrum, notes are produced in accordance with the tune,” they say, -“The ones who cannot find the frets play it like that. I’ve found the fret as soon as I’ve taken the saz into my hand. So why should I lose time trying to find the fret?” says Hodja.

Mum Will Cry! One of Hodja’s sons is a potter in a nearby village. One day he says: “Dad, I spent all my money on these pots. If it is sunny and they all dry in time, I’ll be rich. But if it rains, my mum will cry (it is an idiom in Turkish which means to be in distress h to be in a great difficulty) Then Hodja calls on his elder son who lives in another village. His son says: “Dad, I spent all my fortune on this farm. If it rains in time, I’ll become rich. But there is drought, my mum will cry.” Hodja returns home bored. His wife says: “What happened, Effendi? Why are you sulky today?” “That is not important. You think of your own case. It doesn’t matter whether it rains or not; one of our sons mother will cry in any case.

While Nasreddin Hodja is traveling on a summer day, he feels very thirsty at noon. He sees a lake nearby. He sits by the lake to drink some water. He puts some water in his palm and drinks a mouthful of water quickly. But it causes nausea and he tries to spit out the water. He tastes Acıgöl’s water for the first time, and its water with sodium sulphate disturbs his stomach. While he is looking round, he comes across a small spring. When he understands that it is fresh water first he rinses his mouth, then he drinks it. He also waters his donkey. Later he looks at Acıgöl rising in waves noisily and puts some freshwater from the spring into his hands:  “Don’t put on airs like the rich but mean man’s property. What you call water must be like this!” he says scattering the water in his hands to the lake.