Coolest Funny Quotes and Sayings

"I need a six month vacation, twice a year."

"I'm not lazy. I'm just on my energy saving mode."

"Time is precious. Waste it wisely."

"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."

"Thanks to Facebook. I now know what everyone's bathroom looks like."

"Laughter is the best medicine. But, if you're laughing without any reason, you need medicine."

"With great power comes great electricity bill.

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car." — Bob Monkhouse

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man." — Lana Turner

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof." — Rodney Dangerfield